Are you an Ally or a Bystander? I certainly hope you are not a Bully. On the other side of this coin, I also hope you are not a Target.

Although at any times in our lives we could have been "any of the above" as we used to say in school.  Many of us have been the target of bullies in our lives, for any one of a number of reasons - how we look, the language we sometimes speak or spoke, the accent we or our family members have, what we eat for lunch, what we wear, what grade we got on a test, our sexual orientation, or even how we perform at work......The list can be endless and cruel.

We know, too, that bullying doesn't stop in elementary school but can continue into high school, college and even the workplace.  Whatever the place, whatever the time, for the Target, bullying can be traumatic, painful and downright infuriating for children and adults.

Culturally and in the media there has been a lot of attention paid to bullying and to the Bullies - who are they, why do they do it, what's wrong with them, how should they be punished? In New Jersey regulations are now being written to support the Anti-bullying law recently passed in our state.

While the law will serve its purpose and, as a society, we try to get a handle on bullying and what it does to our children - in school and out - thanks to the impact of the Internet and the advent of Cyber-bullying, we need to stop for a moment and consider the other elements in the equation. I am talking about Allies and Bystanders.

Allies are people who will step forward if they see a bullying situation. They will speak out and, hopefully, end a difficult situation.  But for every Ally, there are many more Bystanders, those who silently watch and do nothing.

The work of the American Conference on Diversity focuses on educating teachers, counselors, administrators, students and parents  and employees about all aspects of diversity and how valuing difference and becoming educated and empowered leads to powerful Allies and empowered people. In bullying situations, those people can move from Bystanders to Allies.

We believe that by focusing on the larger number of people who just happen to be in a place when bullying occurs, the Bystanders, we can create a culture where all of us can respect difference and support those who need a kind word, a helping hand, a smile or just our presence which says let's move on in a good way and treat each other as the valuable and special people each of us really is.

 Diane

In Brief

COMMENTARY

6/15/11